Last year, I found myself in a situation, not knowing which way to go. I stopped and said aloud, “I’ll just call mom” … Only to realize, I haven’t been able to make that call for over 40 years. That’s what a mother’s love does. Even when she’s gone, there’s a sense of nearness that never subsides. I couldn’t call her with my phone, so I called her with my heart. As always, she picked up on the first ring and the response she gave, made everything just right.
When your mother leaves, sounds, tastes, looks, feels—things only a mother can give become forever scorched into your heart so softly that you never even felt the burn. As I’ve cycled through the seasons of this loss, valuable lessons continue to reveal themselves.
***
One winter afternoon, I came running into the house—hurt and angry. An older kid, one of the big kids as we used to call them wouldn’t let me play, have my way or something or another. So off to tell my mother I went. Mothers back then were the judge, jury and executioner and I knew with her on my side, the tables would turn.
She met me at the door and I immediately began pleading my case…but I stopped, when I noticed her face, fighting to hold back a smile. I began again, this time with all the passion my little heart could muster, reliving the “painful” details of the event, but again, I noticed her smile. I paused…and with no further warning, she burst into laughter and with that, I had no choice but to do the same.
I remember a lot about that day. I remember the blue coat with yellow trim I wore and the navy gloves. I’ll never forget the way the sun seemingly stood watch in the sky, giving off just the right amount of heat to make the cold day warm enough to enjoy. I can still smell dinner cooking on the stove and I also hear the game show on the television that sat just off to the right.
All those years later, all those things and a few others have remained with me. But what I remember most is that when I came running in, my whole world was crumbling around me – all it took was a smile from my mother to put it back together again.
***
Life doesn’t always go as planned. You stay late, arrive early, work weekends and prep for a promotion, but life offers a pink slip. He or she is the one; yes, they do it for you, but every year at that special time of the year, you find yourself alone. Children are growing like weeds and so too are your hopes for them. For some reason, they can’t seem to see the vast amount of potential their lives hold, or the dangers lurking on the other side. All are part of the cycle of life – all are times when a conversation with your mother would make everything just right. I’ve seen it, on grown, hardened men with an edge so sharp it could cut through diamonds. But when they got tired, when they couldn’t cut anymore, they turned to their mother, and her smile, helped finish the job.
It’s a new year friend, and it won’t always go as planned. Those times when it doesn’t, pick up the phone and call your mother. For those of us who can’t, pick up your heart and dial her number…she’ll answer on the first ring. Your world might be crumbling around you, but when you hear her smile…
